you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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