According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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