he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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