Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
