she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
