Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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