Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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