Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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