there's paper in my vomit.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
