my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
