No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
