Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
