I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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