my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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