Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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