i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
