She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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