go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
