I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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