i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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