Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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