I think i peed on brittanys purse
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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