Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
