Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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