fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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