Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She announced her abortion via fbk
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
