I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
