You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just forgot I was standing up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
