Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
