He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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