I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want her autograph on my taint
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
