I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
