who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
