Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
