it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
