well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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