have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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