he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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