So drunk its hurt
i wish my penis had a tongue
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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