I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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