I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
