I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
