if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
