Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
