remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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