He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
