you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
