she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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