a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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