I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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