If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
