Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize