OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
