the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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