this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
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Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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