I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
