So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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