mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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