Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize