those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
