who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
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so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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