Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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