Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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