Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
